Wednesday, May 3, 2017

Rats and Mice and My Good Intentions

Do you know what my life is full of right now? Rodents and good intentions.

The rodents are irritating. Mice of all sizes including tiny kangaroo mice and rats have invaded our house. First we saw their poop and crackers with rodent sized bites taken out of them. Then we started to find piles of dog food around the house. Now we are seeing the rodents themselves. They are quite at home here; popping behind the TV stand while we sit and watch Little House on the Prairie with the kids, no more hiding out until night time to appear. Oh no, not our little friends. We put down piles of poison. PILES. It all disappears, and still the mice and rats are just here.

So cute, right?
It is gross. I am annoyed when I lay in my bed at night and hear the rustling of rodents in my kitchen and even in my bedroom. Sadly, I have kind of reached the point where I am like "Meh, we've got rodents in the house. Whatev".

The good intentions are also irritating. There are things I want to do, ought to do, am supposed to be doing, and they just aren't all happening. I said I would blog more. Ha ha. I even wrote a big post way back in February about my big plan to do more with my passion for children with disabilities. Guess what? I've basically done nothing. I want to, or rather I wanted to. Now I am finding myself at the "Meh, I met with one person since February about children with disabilities. Whatev", point and I feel frustrated with my attitude, but also kind of apathetic. It's a little bit of "What do I really have to offer", along with a pinch of "It's too much work" and a heaping dash of "Seriously, I have no time and am choosing a new passion: Books". So for all of you who wrote such kind words after my last post, I am sorry. I am just a person with good intentions. And rats.

I had been doing a bang up job of making meals for my family, but I am tired of that! Planning and preparing and remembering to get groceries... who has time for that? If I have milk and cereal in the house that is a win! The one thing I have successfully made multiple times over the last 2 weeks is sweet potato casserole. Lots of butter, cream if you have it or milk, loads of brown sugar, some cinnamon and a pinch of salt. It's all to taste. No recipe. Marshmallows on top are a must. Jori will not eat this, which makes the rest of us happy. Jori really doesn't like a whole lot of what I make, which means my intentions of having calm, peaceful dinners often go out the window as I tell her to just SIT UP AND EAT in a voice that is neither calm nor peaceful.

I have had several people ask me how Tyson and I are doing with home schooling. Honestly, I kind of love it. We had such a hard year last year. Tyson really struggled socially at school and the homework battles we dealt with in the afternoon were so stressful. So I am enjoying having my boy close to home. He is funny and engaging and creative. However I intended to be a bit more of a teacher and it isn't happening. I don't think this is all bad as he is learning and growing and enjoying time with friends and building all sorts of creations out of wood, but I am not always very present. I am busy. I get cranky. I am not always engaged. I check out and don't always have time or make time to dig deeper into the things that interest him. I think "I can do more. I will do more!" and then life happens.

And my precious, non-sweet potato eating girl? She is growing up. 10 years old going on 16. I had every intention of being MORE INTENTIONAL with her. Of nurturing her spirit and getting to know her as a young lady. I wanted to go on little dates and spend time talking with her. We do snuggle in bed most mornings, but then we get up and the attitude kicks in. Let me just say, I think I was cut out to be a mom of boys. The eye rolling and sassing and stomping off...Lord help me, but my first reaction is usually anger. Her full name gets used a lot. She tells me I am not nice and that I listen to Tyson and not her and I tend to answer her with sarcasm. The struggle is real folks. I love my girl, but I am so scared for the next few years. Is she going to hate me? Are my reactions going to make her think I don't love her? If I am completely honest, there is a part of me that just wants to keep her home during the day as well so that I have more time to learn about who she is and what she is thinking. It is hard to fit all of that into the afternoon along with homework and meal prep (when it happens).

Intentions to exercise. Nope, didn't happen. Intentions to read my Bible, pray every day? Help. Intentions to be more patient and respectful to my husband? I'd rather yell and get my own way. Intentions to love those around me? Seriously, working with people is HARD!!!!!

So, that is my life, in all of its rodent filled glory. I at least have a plan for supper tonight, but am hoping someone else has intentions of doing the dishes.

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