This morning, I woke up early, got myself all ready and headed off to a meeting at the Department of Social Development. I was WAY excited about this meeting as it was going to be with potential foster parents for one of the children that we love and care for at Tshepo ya Bana. I was thinking of all the things that I would tell this couple, about the child’s temperament, his likes and dislikes, his love of life and some potential pitfalls. I was thinking about seeing his social worker, someone who I have had a great difficulty working with and trying to decide what I would say to her and how I would say it. I was thinking of my role and what I needed and wanted to convey to get things moving quickly so that we could get this child into a family ASAP, assuming they were suitable and appropriate parents that is.
My mind was spinning for the whole 30 minute drive to the office. I parked the car, signed in with security and went inside to the registration desk to let them know I was here for a meeting with Social Worker So and So and prospective foster parents, and then I was kindly informed that social worker So and So was no longer at this particular office and I realized I would not be sharing any of my thoughts from the 30 minute car drive with anyone on this particular morning!
I went back through security, got in the car and sent Darin a message that I was on my way home. I started driving; feeling frustrated and a bit irritated that no one thought to tell me of this change in venue. How would these people possibly be able to make any decisions without my input and insight? Then, I was just struck by the following thought: God doesn’t need me. Say what?! Nope, He doesn’t need me.
Who am I to think that because I wasn’t a part of this meeting nothing would happen? Who am I to think that my input and insight is greater than the wisdom of God, that my love for this child is greater than the love that his Abba Father has for him?
So, if God doesn’t need me, what is the point in being involved in any of this? Why should I or any of us step out of our normal day to day life and get involved in the lives of others? Although God doesn’t need me, the beautiful and amazing thing is that He can use me! What a privilege this is and somehow I’ve overlooked it. In my often puffed up and prideful moments I sit back and think, look at what I did today! I think about emails I’ve sent, which will surely get the attention of someone who is supposed to finally do something for someone. I think about meetings I’ve been to and tasks I’ve been assigned and sometimes, oh yes, sometimes there is this part of me that thinks, without me nothing would get done! I go out and meet people, beautiful, wonderful, hardworking people and hear this voice in my head saying, Thank God they have you, Jonna! Yet God didn’t need me for any of these things. Even without my email writing, meeting attending, people visiting ways, His will IS going to be done, but what an awesome responsibility that He chooses to use me, broken, puffed up, foolish, slow to learn me, to help usher in His Kingdom.
Father God, may I allow myself to be used by You today and every day and may I never forget that while being chosen to be a part of carrying out your will is a privilege You have graciously given, You have totally got this, all of this under control and you don’t need me to be anything but faithful to Your calling.