This morning was probably one of the top 5 worst mornings I’ve had out here. It was horrible and it ended with me crying in the shower, wishing our business would fail so we could just go home. Today was also day 3 of home schooling, which may or may not have added to my feelings of despair. I really do not think I am cut out for teaching my own children. I have many friends that home school by choice! That has always amazed me. Since Tyson first started 3 school, I have been one of those moms who looked forward to the start of the school year with great anticipation. No tears for this mama! I love my children, but I love having a break from them as well. And you know what, I am pretty sure they feel the same way about me. We just all get along better when we’ve had some space. The whole “absence makes the heart grow fonder” idea.
Now, we are in South Africa, and at least until January, if not longer, I am in charge of my children’s education. The reasons for this are many, but I know that for now this is how it has to be. Sadly, when you are having a bad day and feeling emotional and run down, thoughts like this have a way of pushing you over the edge, which is how I ended up crying in the shower. My thoughts were going crazy. I was freaking out about home schooling, hoping for the demise of our business, feeling like I was never going to make friends, and on and on and on. It was only after I had gotten myself to the point of feeling overwhelmed and totally alone that I finally decided to spend a little time with God. I opened up my Jesus Calling and read the following:
Relax in My healing, holy presence. Allow Me to transform you through this time alone with Me. As your thoughts center more and more on Me, trust displaces fear and worry. Your mind is somewhat like a seesaw. As your trust in Me goes up, fear and worry automatically go down. Time spent with Me not only increases your trust; it also helps you discern what is important and what is not.
One of the verses that went with this reading was Ephesians 5:15-16, which says, “Be very careful, then, how you live-not as unwise but as wise, MAKING THE MOST OF EVERY OPPORTUNITY, because the days are evil. “
The note in my NIV Bible says “The foolish person has no strategy for life and misses opportunities to live for God in an evil environment.” Now, I am not trying to say that our little schoolroom is an “evil environment”, but yesterday it was pretty ugly. For me, these words and this verse were just what I needed to hear. A reminder to not only trust more and worry less, but also to be aware that this time I have to spend with my kids is an opportunity to live for God and that I need to be making the most of it.