This particular estate, Twee Riviere, has two show homes that they bring people through. They are the best the development has to offer, especially the simplex that we walked through. (Out here a simplex is a one story and a duplex is a two story). Before we went through this simplex, Darin gently reminded me that we could not afford this model. It has a bigger kitchen and a bigger living area and was just a bit out of our price range. So knowing that we went in and OH MY GOODNESS, I was in love. The kitchen was huge. There was a whole separate area for the washing machine and a super long counter where I was already turning into an office In my mind. The living room was so bright and there was even a good sized space for a dining table. It was just perfect. Except this was not the kind of house we could afford.
Jump ahead a couple days and we are back at Twee Riviere. This time we are looking at two of the smaller simplexes. I can’t help but feel disappointed. There is no separate laundry area and no long counter for my imaginary office. We hurry through these two units and then stand outside talking to the realtor for a bit. He points out a unit next to one we just went through and said it was one of the bigger simplexes that had just come available. It will not be quite as expensive as the show unit because the lot isn’t as big. He and Darin talk about more, but my mind is spinning again. We get in the car and start our long drive back to our house.
At first, our car ride is silent. I don’t know why Darin isn’t talking, but I know why I’m not. I want the bigger house and I am pretty sure Darin is going to think I’m crazy. A few minutes later I find out I’m right. I cautiously bring up the idea of going back to look in the bigger simplex and am immediately shot down. Darin reminds me that we already talked over what we can afford and he also does the unthinkable: he throws back my own words at me to prove his point! Just that Sunday the pastor had preached on Isaiah 6 and one of his points was that “Obedience is a lifestyle” and I had written the following and even poked Darin to show him: It’s not only WHERE we live, but also how much we’ll have to spend to live there. Using our resources wisely. (we’d just been talking about if we should stay out near the communities where we have seen a lot of need or if we should move into town to be more centrally located). When Darin decided to use my own words against me… let’s just say I was not a very happy person.
The next morning I woke up and read this in “Jesus Calling”:
Worship Me only. Idolatry has always been the downfall of my people. I make no secrets about being a jealous God. Current idols are more subtle than ancient ones, because today’s false gods are often outside the field of religion. People, possessions, status and self-aggrandizement are some of the most popular deities today. Beware of bowing down before these things. False gods never satisfy; instead, they stir up lust for more and more.
Do you think God was trying to tell me something, because I sure did! You see, we had started out looking at a duplex, which I just wasn’t happy with. It was the least expensive unit available, but when I thought of having family come stay with us for long periods of time, I just couldn’t see it happening there. Then we looked at the small simplexes because there wasn’t a huge price difference and they have a much bigger garage that we hope to use as extra living space. However, the lust for more and more had already been stirred in my heart. I had walked through a model home that I felt was perfect for our family. I was dreaming about the long counter space in my mind, picturing myself sitting there in front of the computer writing emails and blog posts.
Now, I’d like to say that after being reminded of what I had written in my bulletin and after reading about idolatry that my heart has been totally transformed and I have learned to be cheerfully content no matter where we end up living, but now, even though I’m feeling good about living in the small simplex (if everything goes through) I find myself setting up house in my mind and the house I am setting up does not just have the basics. In my mind, I’ve designed the perfect play room that we can set up in the garage. There will also be space for homeschooling out there, complete with bright colored pictures on the walls and lots of bookshelves. I have a whole corner set up in the master bedroom JUST FOR ME! A comfy chair and a small table, maybe even a little desk. It’s not that these things in themselves are necessarily bad, but it is amazing how quickly the thought of accumulating more and more things can just fill up your mind!
I don’t know if any of you have starting reading the blog “Sit a Spell” by Heather Hendrick, but you should. She just wrote two posts that talked about a lot of the very things I am struggling with right now. Go read the post called “Barn Burning” and the one called “First the Purging” then read the rest of her blog. I can’t provide you with any links because I am not online right now, so you’ll have to do a little searching, but I know I’ve linked to her blog in the past.