Why are we doing this?-April 2011

Yes, today's post has the same title as yesterdays post, only the dates are different. I have read and reread what I wrote last summer and am struck by how I still don't feel like I have a good answer to why we are doing this. If you want a good answer, go talk to Darin, but I am still in a place of questioning and doubt. Yesterday was April 11, which means we are flying out of our comfort zone and into a new life 2 months from yesterday. I still feel totally unprepared and overwhelmed, only now instead of a house sale looming in front of us we are to the place where we need to start packing our lives into 12 suitcases and a few carry-on bags.

I  think I am still in denial that this move is even happening. I know, I should probably step into reality soon. I am just struggling to wrap my head around everything that is about to happen and all the changes that are coming up because right now our life is pretty normal. The kids still go to school, Rachel and I still swap kids, I get together with my college friends, Darin heads off to work, we go to church, so it's easy to just stay settled in the here and now and not really think about what's to come in less than 2 months.

So that is where I am right now. I don't think Darin has ever been in this same place, which is good in so many ways. He is excited about our move and eager to tackle the unknowns. When I hear him telling others why we are doing this, I actually find myself getting a little excited about it all. Tyson and Jori are just kind of going with the flow. There are some tears when we tell them they can't bring a certain toy along to South Africa, but those tears are minimal. This morning I asked Jori if she is excited that we are moving to South Africa and she said "Yes, but I am not sleeping where those horn peckers are!". If horn bills pecking on the window are the biggest worry for our kids, then we are doing good!

I know I need to step into reality soon, I think I am just a little worried about really feeling everything. As long as I am in denial, I don't have to acknowledge the sadness that's been creeping into my heart. I can just push it away and smile and say "Everything is great". True, not totally, but for now it is easier to deal with. 


retha said…
The other page does not want to take my comments, happy could get you here from over at my place.

I can't say anything to add or subtract to what you are going through and coming to.

Sorry to confuse you more, Pretoria is Pretoria.

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